SCIENCE FAIR

I noticed that the time has come in every child's life that they look forward to the most. A time when poster board, magic markers, and scotch tape flow like the great Mississippi River. The moment in which a youngster is brought forth to confront each of his school mates in a comparison fest which pits oneself against the rest. A chance for the smart to shine and the not so smart, to.....uhmm....show what great little personalities they have. It is Science Fair time. Yep. Geekdoms way to allow each individual child to out shine the other and give an opportunity for the "athletically challenged" kid to stand out.

I am all for things like "Science Fairs", or "Spelling Bees", or "Book Reports", or "Reading", or even the occasional time to "Think". I think its an important chance to be-little even the sweetest and innocent of youngsters. I, however, have not had such success with these over my lifetime. I have looked the Science Fair animal in the face and turned to run like a scared little girl. To help with a possibly large (or larger than normal) therapy bill, I would like to share with you a few highlights from my life as a project reject.

My first experience with Science Fairs was at the old Dillworth Elementary in Salt Lake City (before it was torn down and rebuilt as a high security, pentagon type building that could double for the University of Utah it is so huge.) I had just read a powerful book about gold fish, I was in the third grade when gold fish were more to me than just stinky centerpieces. (mom knows what I mean). I thought that I would do something with my new found expertise in the realm of fresh water creatures. Since I didn't have any gold fish myself, I thought a perfect substitute would be those tasty crackers that my sweet Grandma always let me shovel into my gaping hole of a mouth, sometimes pausing to do things like breath.

The night before the project was due, because as we know, greatness is born out of necessity and the ability to procrastinate until the very last second, I set out to prove that no one could guess how many gold fish were shoved into an empty peanut butter jar. Such a quality thesis, I thought, would most likely win me not only a blue ribbon, but the love and respect of classmates throughout the school and community. But as I presented and realized the my science fair project was not so much a science breakthrough but more of a snack, I realized I was in trouble. The teacher must have thought I needed some tough love and proceeded to hack into my gold fish experiment like Paul Bunyan into a tree. To soften her up I calmly said that there was more to it. When she doubtingly asked what, I said "refreshments" and handed out my science fair project, one per student, to the entire class.

Other experiments would follow in later years. There was the potato gun that didn't shoot anything but my dreams.....down. The time when I set out to prove to my third teacher Miss McBride that I could, and most effectively, read minds. Apparently I was only good at finishing the last line of peoples sentences which she told me in the most effective way with a well earned "needs improvement" on the grade sheet. And the other highlight was when, as usual, the night before the sixth grade science fair, I was yet to pick a project. Lucky for me my mom had forgotten about a block of cheese in the back of the fridge which had gained a slight case of mold. I assume you can guess what ensued. Lets just say a piece of poster board, two blocks of cheese (one moldy, one I later ate for lunch) and a smile later, another well earned "C" was posted and my life goal of proving that Cheddar cheese gets moldy faster than Swiss was more than accomplished. (It could have been the other way around but the cheddar was the moldy one.)

So I say reach for the stars young people. Look science in the face and let it know who his daddy really is. Whether its gold fish, cheese, or the power of the human brain, be all you can be. Because no matter what the project, no matter how hard you work, no matter how important a find, you can hold that ribbon high so the powerful words may shine for all to see and you may find that those magical three words act as a beacon of encouragement for future science greats; "SCIENCE FAIR PARTICIPANT."