I thought I would take today to help a group of people that apparently need some assistance. A group of hard working folks that are handy with a chainsaw, but not with common sense. Men and women who can can cut through wood like it was butter but can't saw through that mental barrier to the largest tree of all called "thought".
Today a "tree guy" decided that all those large oak trees growing inside our house were a disgrace and thought, or didn't think at all, that he would be a nice guy, try all of the doors to our house, including the back door that sits behind a six foot high wooden fence, and cut them down. Sounds strange I know because last time I checked we didn't have any oak trees inside the house that needed to be removed.......or that existed at all.
At around 10 am a gentlemen, a word I use with as much sarcasm as possible, who removes trees and has absolutely no sense of direction ended up at the wrong house to give out a bid. An understandable mistake and one easily overcome. But instead of doing what most humans do and ring the doorbell he decided to head for the back door and try to open it. When that was locked he than tried the front but to no avail. With our 10lb. guard dogs on watch, the same ones this man was yelling at and hitting the glass to annoy, Heather was alerted to the man and his car which was mysteriously parked on the opposite side of the house down the street, and noticed that he went for the "I'll just go on in" approach instead of the more time consuming "ring the doorbell like a human being who is not a criminal" one.
Heather understandably called the police and my self and we both arrived at the same time. I went in to check on heather, alerted my parents, and then proceeded to approach the creepy beige bronco down the street. When the guy said he was there to do a quote on tree removal I said he would have to remove one very soon which would be in a very uncomfortable place if he ever tried to get in our house again. When he claimed that he was at the wrong home and never once tried to get in but knocked several times, the police checked it out and sent him on his way. I however beleive this to be the largest load of crap ever to be seen since dinosaurs ruled the earth. I am not saying he was a criminal mastermind or that he even had a mind, but how many tree guys do you know who spend their time figiting with door knobs before a job?
Heather is fine but was most definetley freaked out. Being six months pregnant and having a sleeping 15 month old in the other room make for a very vulnerable situation. If this happened 10 times I would tell her to call the police 10 times.
So here are my thoughts for tree removers out on the job:
1- Don't be afraid to ring the door bell. It is there because it is our friend. The last time I checked it wasn't against the law like, I don't know, breaking into the house might be.
2- Double check you addresses. I know 4 digits in a row plus a street name can be a tough load to handle but i know with a little determination and effort, you two can figure them out.
3- Fences are there for a reason. I am sure that "boundaries" and "private property" and even "breaking and entering" are all just strange concepts that don't make a lot of sense but still lets try to follow them. We fear what don't understand but we must try none the less.
4- Park in front of the house. This one I know is confusing but look at the bright side; if you park in front of the house with a car that has you logo or name on it, 9 times out of 10 people will trust you. If you drive up slowly in an unmarked beige bronco and park down the street on the back side of the house it could be miss construed as a mass murder/stalker type of action as opposed to the helpful one you are going for. Like cutting down those pesky inside-the-house-oak trees that are so common.
All in all a pretty exciting day. Its amazing the "what if's" that come up in those situations. For example what if Heather had just walked outside to ask the guy what he was doing and he went on his way? What if she did that and he was trying to break in and hurt her? What if one of the doors had been unlocked; what would he have done? What if I took a tree stump and smacked him over the head with it for scaring our family half to death? Yep.....what if?
3 comments:
I for one would like to just say that if you ever quit adding to your blog, I will kick your sorry alliterating, pontificating, collaborating, inibriating, masticating (sounds dirty but it isn't), verbigerating, asphyxiating, otherwordsthatIcan'tthinkof-ating butt. By the way...THAT WAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!! (copies of the video available at a nominal fee. I'm pretty sure Tim moons the camera at some point, but anyone who knows him knows that mooning people is just part of his daily routine, after brushing his teeth but before taking out the trash.)
If I was there, he would have been bleeding out of most of his...orifices? Bro, props on your self control, timeliness, and most of all, wordsmithing. Maybe he was there to remove "morning wood"? Or...maybe he's a BYU grad trying to eek out a living now that he realizes his deegree is worth precisely...aw, who am I kidding. S**t. Go Jazz.
I appreicate the eloquent way which you write Kim. Using a dictionary and thesarus doesn't exactly count though. That comment about me mooning people was way below that belt.....get it....below the belt! Cause my butt is below....my belt.....it was funnier in my large head.
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